End Beginning
By Pan Pantoja
Welcome friends and strangers. Every end is a beginning. Poetry is for the heightened moments of uncertainty, fear, love, and change. I am grateful for these gifts of creativity, art, and writing during these difficult times. These are a selection of my pandemic poems, starting with the most recent. Thank you for being here, and by here I don’t mean sitting at your device reading this. I mean thank you for coming to earth. This is absolutely the most important time you could have chosen to be here! Right now do the thing you need to do. Say the thing you need to say. Tip this time of great change in the direction your heart desires. I believe in you. Keep creating. I love you.
#35poem
Justice RBG
If you’re here
If you breath
If you pursue-
happiness
If you dream
If you love
If you’re free
You’ll thank a-
Woman
For everything. 💚
#25poem
When I say
I don’t know what will
Happen-
I am not afraid!
For in that moment of
Uncertainty-
Anything is possible.
I do not fear change
Because I know
My heart is kind
My will is good
My mind is strong
My hands can create.
I am not uneasy
Because I know-
Light & hope sprouts
Like sunflowers
Where I walk.
#20poem
Artivist...
Warrior poet
I am strong.
I can take a punch
And write a song.
I can cry at beauty
& work all day long.
Make it happen &
admit when I’m wrong.
I’m big and sensitive.
Mean enough to take,
but know how to give.
Rare man walking
Unique way to live.
Body of a warrior,
Heart of a kid.
I am the man you
We’re told can’t exist.
Pen in one hand
The other a fist.
A fighter a lover
Not to be missed.
Hard as the mountain
Soft as a kiss.
#14poem
Last night...
I was able to get my son out
And with his mother before my
Home was filled with tear gas.
Rubber bullets.
Explosions! Reno riot gear.
We made it a game, my son and me.
So he couldn’t see
How scary downtown can be.
I know-
This is not a game.
Reality is hard.
If this is the world we live in
Then it ain’t my world at all.
We are asking
For things that shouldn’t
Have been taken-
by the corporate criminal.
So when the bank was on fire
City hall got attacked.
When the people had
been driven back
With shields and flairs
from the policeman
In black.
When the world was
filled with hate and dread.
I opened my heart &
Made love instead.
#1poem
May I change with grace
& not fight its inevitability
& when I do transform
May I be grateful for
What I have become.
& may my change
Bring me closer to my inner light
& may that light actually be light.
& may this change
Bring me to love
& may that love be real love.
When I am different may I laugh
& may that laugh be a true laugh.
If I look back on what I was
May I think:
I am closer to being authentic
Than I have ever been.
& may this be enough.
#32poem
I did art fortunes
tonight-
for the first time in months.
A painting & a poem-
Is the the universe
& nothing
All at once.
& they ask how?
I answer:
How does the
Sun rise?
Why does the moon
Change?
Who are we really?
Existing is strange.
#23poem
When I was whole-
A boy needed teachings
So I gave my mind.
A friend needed to talk
So I gave my ears.
An artist needed audience
So I gave my eyes.
A lover needed attention
So I gave my body.
The world needed help
So I gave my heart.
When I was nothing-
I was given everything!
#17poem
I’m getting old y’all.
I mean I look great though 🤣
If I could talk to 20-year-old me
I would tell my young self to:
Keep it up kid.
You are a good brilliant man.
I know you won’t waste it.
Stay humble, your only goal
Should be to get the privilege
Of doing the next gig, painting, performance.
Walk away. What you are fighting for
Doesn’t matter and you could use less
Heartache and brain damage. 🙄
Put your strength and anger into
Fighting the real monsters of this world
and your personal demons.
Forget the rest of it,
But make sure you tell them you love um.
And how much they mean to ya.
Cause life is shorter than you think. 💚
Above all never sell yourself short
For any job, any relationship,
Or give up on your dreams.
Nothing else matters,
but your purpose on earth-
so keep your focus.
You got this...now
Change the world young son.
#5poem
For healthcare workers-
When we stood on the abyss
Of everything went wrong
It was love that commanded
We have to keep on!
When we met in the middle
And wanted to quit
There was Hope in our ears
Whispering - almost there a little bit.
& when it’s was almost over
who knows what will be right?
There were our friends
Chanting- you can do it!
Fight the good fight!
#3poem
Mirage.
I sat up a week or so ago
Talking to a chair,
But it wasn’t a chair-
it was my brother.
& he said things
that could not have-
come from me.
& I questioned reality.
My brother is dead gone.
Haven’t seen him in so long.
Wish he was there,
But it’s just a chair.
I felt the same way when
She hugged me.
And I really wanted that hug.
It set the bird in my chest free.
& I’m looking at something
No one else can see.
& I would stay here eternally.
Take whatever is left of me.
But hearts come with
An invisible entourage.
And what is this love?
A real mirage.
How hard can you believe
Peter Pan?
Pretend you’re more than just a man.
Hold my hand & fly to Neverland.
& the new science says “Yes”
The world doesn’t exist
Outside of you.
& together we make what is real.
Do we like what we see?
Do we like how we feel?
We are not delusional!
Dream much too much-
Until this mirage
We can transmogrify & touch.
Pan Pantoja is the Executive Artist at the Potentialist Workshop in Reno, Nevada. He is a government, museum, and private gallery- selected painter and has created some of the longest murals in this area. He is a National Endowment for the Arts, Black Rock Arts Foundation, and government-selected sculptor. He is a Spoken Views Poet and a signed author with LaRue Press. Pan is the City of Reno’s poet laureate, and he is an independent film and stage producer and director. He is in a traveling band called Weapons of Mass Creation. Pan loves teaching and is proud to be on the Nevada Arts Council Artist in Residence (NAC AIR) roster for arts education. He has taught for 20 years. If you have any questions or need any kind of art help please email enterthepan@yahoo.com.
You can find his most recent musical collaboration with Iain Watson (Emic) here and here.
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